Battery

"So you fell off the stairs again?" The doctor asked, looking at her quizzically.

“Yes, I did.” She replied quietly with her eyes trained on the ground.

"Your x-ray shows fractured ribs. You have swollen eyes and lips, your nose is bleeding and yet you claim to have fallen off the stairs. These bruises don’t look like you fell if you ask me."

"Look mister! What else are you looking for? She said she fell off the stairs or are you telling us indirectly that it is time we register with a new hospital?" Her husband retorted angrily.

He was a very violent man and he had no control whatsoever on his anger.

“It’s not my fault, this trait wasn’t prominent while we dated”, she said to herself but she shuddered as she remembered the numerous slaps she had seen him give his sisters while they were dating.

She had also seen him push his mother down during an argument but it was just once and he explained perfectly what happened.

____________________

“Gosh! You couldn’t even tell the doctor convincingly you fell. You are such a slow woman”, he said shamelessly and without remorse. “I am sure you would have not hesitated to spill everything and ruin my reputation at that hospital”, he continued.

She laughed. She had been quiet all along but this time she laughed. If only he knew he had no reputation. How could she ruin what he did not have? She didn’t need to say a word to people. Her constant bruises  and the way he related with others spoke volumes. Everyone knew he was easily provoked.

He flared up at the sound of her laughter, then went on and on about her being stubborn and how he would bring her to submission with blows.

She suddenly found her voice and said “Only a stupid man beats his wife and cannot control his anger. Idiot!”

He parked abruptly by the side of road. She knew what was next. He would drag her out of the car by her hair and beat her up.

She ran with all her strength despite the bruises and yet he pursued intensely. He had no shame, no restrain, no voice of reason. He was a beast. He caught up with her.

She didn't know where it came from. All of a sudden she found her mouth screaming at the top of her lungs, "Thief! Thief! Help! "

In seconds a crowd surfaced. She slipped through the crowd as they descended heavily on him. She just couldn't take one more blow.

False Information

I would never forget Jan 27, 2002. This is because a bomb blast occurred that day and my father made sure we all wrote essays concerning the experience after the incident.

When it all started, with everything vibrating and all, everyone was confused as such has never happened before. We all came out to the street where there were other confused people like us. Some were praying, some running helter-skelter and some discussing in groups in front of their compounds.

There was this man that came around where we all stood. He said he was just coming from Oshodi and he saw Osama under the bridge. Sounds funny right? He said we were under attack from Afghanistan. Gullible me at that time began to cry, saying - "what did we do for Osama? Are we USA? Are we USA?"*sniff sniff…lol

Hey! Don’t blame me. I was still a kid then and I had read and heard about the September 11 attack that happened four months prior to this time. You needed to have seen the confidence this man displayed in telling the story, like he actually saw Osama.

Others came around. Some saying it was a gas station at so so and so place that exploded, another saying it was this, others saying it was that with so much confidence.

This brings me to my question and point of this write-up. Why are people so eager to share what they know little or know nothing about with so much gusto and confidence?

My neighbour’s maid that was preparing for Jamb once explained to us with so much confidence that “to have ones heart in one’s mouth” means to be confused. In her own words, though she spoke in Yoruba, she said and I quote “When I ask you to go and bring napkin in the kitchen, and you go and come back asking me what I sent you to bring, and you go again and still come back with a fork.” She even yabbed me when I said “It means to be afraid”, which is the right thing. I did not even bother arguing with her.

Conversations like “do you know Obama used to live in Anambra” and the other person saying - "I been dey think am before, no wonder this, no wonder that", is how ridiculous it can get.

I have heard different versions of how Shade met Okoya the multi millionaire. My hair dresser version is that her father was his gateman and she went to get her fees from her dad, then Okoya saw her and the rest is history (In fact you don’t want to know exactly how she explained the whole scenario). I just shook my head and smiled all through the gist, fighting the urge to burst into laughter at certain points. Another version I heard is that they stay in the same estate and they met while jogging #EarlyMornJoggingThinz. Ha! I don’t know which one is correct o!

Why do people pass on information with so much confidence like they were there first hand? Am not exempting myself from this query o! I guess it is safe to assume that at one time or the other, we've narrated a story a friend, sister or relative told us with so much confidence like we were there live. At times we even narrate it in a way that depicts the experience happened to us directly. I think it is just to make the gist sweeter sha.

All I am saying is we should verify any information before stamping it as authentic when narrating it. The least we could do is tone down our display of confidence when we are not so sure. Nothing is sillier than even going ahead to have an argument on something you know nothing about.

What was the funniest false information you’ve heard and you just knew it was a giant lie? Enjoy the rest of your week people. 

Never Again!

When I was a little girl there was always this mad woman I saw constantly around where we lived. She was called “Iya Dangbe”. Word around then was that she had not always been mad right from time. People said she was a very rich business woman who sold clothes, jewellery and other items. They said she sold items to some of her customers on credit and her problems started when someone who owed her a lot of money refused to pay and instead made her mad.

Fast forward to 200 level, when I was still in school; this was about 3 years ago. I lent a guy 30,000 naira. I did not know him personally but someone “over – vouched” for him (If there’s anything like that). She did not even have to talk too much because before then, I knew him as a leader. He had different core leadership roles and responsibilities. Someone you would consider as totally responsible from the different roles he played. Alas there was something called role playing.

It wasn’t a case of I had too much money as that was almost all I had and 30k was a  very big deal to me ooo. But his explanation was that he needed the money urgently for blah, blah and blah (one touching story like that) and that he would pay back in the next 1 week. If only I had known that 1 week was 3 years and counting *crying*…lol

Like you would have guessed already, this post is about unrepentant debtors, people who borrow money from you with no intention of paying back. People that ask you to quickly borrow them 100 naira to buy boli and suddenly develop amnesia the next day. People whose phone work perfectly when they want some money from you and suddenly develop network problem when it is payback time. People who borrow money but wait until you ask before paying back.

One question I have still been unable to crack till date is why people suddenly become irresponsible when you lend them money. Like lending them money is the gate pass to the irresponsibility circus. Puppy faced individuals at the point of lending money suddenly become monsters and sworn enemies. Some even go to the extent of amassing pity for themselves and soiling your reputation or even harming you like in Iya Dangbe’s case.

I was speaking with someone about my experience and all I got was – “Sorry baby! Unrepentant debtors have been trending before 1960”. Choi!!! So how can we curb this trend? How can we ensure that people pay back? The simple solution I had to learn the hard way is this. Never lend out money. If absolutely necessary, only give out what won’t give you sleepless nights, if it doesn’t come back to you.

After months of trying to get my money from him I had to free o jere! I was tired of all the unanswered phone calls and flimsy excuses - “am at the bank right now but the door is closed because its 1 min past 4, I have not been paid, my neighbour’s dog just bit me”, etc.

However the lesson I learned, I learned for life. Never again will I meddle into the lending business.

So do you think people pay promptly when they lend money or has your experience been hell? Have you discovered any proven technique of collecting your money back from die hard unrepentant debtors? Please share J

It's just an iPad, so chill!

I heard the shattering of glass and simultaneously saw my iPad flat faced on the floor. That was when I screamed. Okay, I did not exactly scream but placed my hands on my head and let out a small (maybe not so small) gasp.

It was my dad's birthday and I brought out my iPad to take pictures. I removed it from the case because the iPad case is a little to big and it sometimes covers the camera. I handed it over to someone to take pictures and the next thing I know it's on the floor. The person left it on the chair, wanted to stand up and accidentally the iPad slipped off the chair. Since I removed the case earlier it made the shattering process easier.

So this post is not exactly about my iPad but how we deal when something bad or unpleasant happens to us. I still have a lot to learn about not letting little things upset me and helpful tips are welcome.

In a split second everything changed. Bubbly, hyper me became quiet, morose and unhappy. We had not yet taken pictures and this happened? Perhaps I should mention here that my acting skill is very poor even though I belong to a dance and drama CD group. One look at me and you could tell I was very unhappy by this incident. Different thoughts ran through my head. "If only I had not removed the case...if only this, if only that"....Not even thoughts of "it's just an iPad; thank God you even have an iPad in the first place; there are a million things worse than a shattered iPad;  thank God for life; all things work together for good, etc. made me feel better.

Don't misunderstand me. I believe all things work together for good, I thank God for life, etc. but those thoughts did not instantly erase those feelings. I still felt bad.

We eventually took pictures and I had to manufacture smiles and happy faces. It wasn't too hard to do as I was happy about the celebration and actually grateful to God but I just couldn't get the iPad out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried.

After the photo session, I went to sleep sharply even though I had not eaten o (after all the cooking wahala...smh for me). This brings me to the point of this write up. Whenever I am upset I just go to sleep and hopefully when I wake I feel better. I slept and slept.

Even when my phone was stolen sometime back, you can guess what I did when I got home. I SLEPT!

Am I alone on this? What do you do that makes you feel better whenever you are upset?

When I woke up after about 10 hours of sleep, I said to myself, "It's just an iPad so chill"; But in all honesty I am still a little upset.